Neighbours can be like buses. When you want one ,there are none to be seen - when you don't ,they turn up in their droves. So it is with the Shilpits. When you see any one of them, they are sure to be doing something that is less then legal.When you don't, you know that whatever they are doing,it is even less likely to be in line with the moral rulings of Dingley Dell Society. Nobby and his two sons,Wally and Oggie the Hood, just cannot help themselves. Staying on the straight and narrow is alien to their inner being. Yesterday,they were all outside their toadstool. Their four wheeled carriage holder was wide open, and Nobby was inside,pulling and pushing something. I could hear the groans, as he laboured. Wally and Oggie were on the concrete surface in front of the toadstool,kicking a ball back and forward. Not to each other ,you will understand, but against any other surface they could find,preferably one that would cave in immediately. They kicked with as much strength as they could muster,while squealing and yelling every time the ball made contact with something which did not belong to them.The Forlorn Faery's fence seemed to be taking a bit of a battering. I was out watering my new plants,and looking up towards her front window, was sure I spied two little black eyes,watching the melee from behind the curtain. The Forlorn Faery,in toadstool number four, has always seemed somewhat timid. She already won't emerge if she sees the Primpole's wildebeests, and now a new terror in the form of the Shilpit boys,is clearly building. The ball bounced hard, over the fence and stopped hard in the centre of her lawn.The Shilpit spawn whooped and yelled,then hands covering their mouths,in false embarrassment,looked at each other,as though unsure how to proceed. I wanted them to just wander up the Forlorn Faery's path and knock on the door to ask politely for the ball's return. Some redemption would have emanated from that.No such luck. Oggie (the Hood) quickly jumped over the fence, whooping another whoop, and holding up the ball in triumph, banged it as hard as he could, back in the direction of his brother.Wally stepped back ,waiting for the missile to make contact. Instead it bounced quite low,but reverberating from the strength of the kick,it launched itself again against the Forlorn Faery's fence. They stood looking at it ,then collapsed in convulsive laughter. Inflamed I stood up and called out," Stop that ! Stop that right now !.I don't know if they heard me though, for at the same moment, the door of number four opened, and out came the Forlorn Faery ,as I have never seen her before. Eyes black and blazing, she marched out, retrieved the ball from the path,threw it back over into number three, and delivered the best "How Dare You " speech I have ever heard. She stormed and she raged,she wagged her finger and she raged some more. Oggie's head was now down,although I doubt whether he ever feels any remorse. Wally's face coloured over,and he looked sufficiently moved by her outpouring to mumble a feeble "Sorry", before stooping to pick up the ball. Nobby, who had been grunting in the four wheeled carriage holder,during all of this, stuck his curly head round the door, and said, You two, Inside. Now." Wally did not hesitate,but Oggie began to answer back ,something about the appalling unfairness of it all. Nobby breathed another "NOW !" and Oggie the Hood banished himself to the relative security of his toadstool home. I returned to my watering,but my pinned back pointy ears picked up the numerous and fauning apologies coming from the head of the Shilpit dynasty. She thanked him,he thanked her,she waxed lyrical about the young folk of today and he waxed back that they were normally the soul of caring and helpfulness. I stifled a spluttering cough and wondered whether I should just call out from a safe distance ," Oh,no, they're not". I dreaded what might follow. Oh dear,now I feared the worst. He concluded his caring soliloquy ,with his usual offer "remember,if there's anything I can do........". My heart sank. If there is one thing you don't want ,it is the help of Nobby Shilpit,and his menacing brood.He does see himself as a friend to all, but lacks the necessary DIY ability to carry out any task successfully. He spent weeks after our arrival in Lobelia Drive, trying to persuade us to let him lay concrete slabs in our garden instead of a lawn. His idea,not ours. He also offered to "sort out' our garden, despite the fact that he knew we had already spent countless hours tidying it up,planting and cutting back the overgrown greenery. When we had the sunroom built, he cornered me several times to say " you know it is quite nice, but it will get quite hot in there. Maybe I could put up sun blinds for you. " We said many times and in many ways,thank you but no. He was so persistent, that I started to avoid meeting him in the Drive,and would check whether he was there before I sallied forth. Although he said nothing, I suspected that Pendragon was doing the same thing. And now the dear Forlorn Faery was in danger of falling under his spell. Or was she ? I heard her quiet thank you, could feel her warm smile returning his offer, and caught her saying to him, " That's very kind of you. I'll let you know. " The dreaded " I"ll let you know ". She might as well have said "Don't call us ,We'll call you. " I smiled at her astute reading of the situation in which she found herself . He retreated,unoffended, while she flashed me a knowing smile, as she went back indoors. Clever little Forlorn Faery. I think we must rename her . Perhaps, the Fearless Faery is more apt. I am also reminded of the old saying of the Ancients.- never judge a parchment by its seal.I am sure there is a great deal more about our Fearless Faery to discover. We never did find out what Nobby was pulling and pushing in his carriage holder. But he is back in there today, and the grunts and groans are ever louder. Tomorrow is another day, and I am sure all will become clear.
Take heart in your labours, my friends, and may the April sun fill you with good cheer this weekend.
From all in the fifth toadstool,and Amarantha Willow,the Rainbow Faery.