toadstooltales

The trip over the Big Water today to Brigantia was a fine one. The water looked so calm and was a beautiful shade of greyish blue. Traffic was less at the time when I journeyed, and the freeflow allowed me to enjoy the crossing more.I was on my way to visit Ally Bally Drillhammer,to keep my alternative appointment with him,as the original had been missed last week. Not my fault as I am sure you will remember.Ally's back had taken a turn for the worse and he had headed back home, leaving me high and dry in the waiting room .Ally has an ongoing problem with his spine,and neck, which sometimes leaves him in agony trying to carry out dental work in extreme positions. When I arrived,however, he was in the waiting room and seemed to be back in good spirits. I only had to wait two minutes ,before my name was called.
Allowing even the most accomplished Dental Technician,which Ally Bally undoubtedly is,the opportunity to rummage through my potential cavities, is very difficult for me. I have sensitive gums and thin enamel,which compounded together,makes for a rather fearful experience.But Ally Bally was pleased. He gave my biting mechanisms a good inspection and declared them in excellent condition and fighting fit for action.
That is, all except one.
I do have a small molar with a budding cavity. Tiny in fact,but it could develop into something more vicious,so it is going to have to be fixed. News that I was dreading, but Ally Bally took great pains to reassure me that it would not take long or present any difficulty. The thought of drilling of any kind sets off my antipathy to all things dental, but needs must. At least I have two full weeks to enjoy myself before the injection looms and the drill digs deep. I am dreading it already, and am sure I will have to partake of one of Pendragon's desensitizing courses just to get through Ally Bally's door.Either that,or a large bottle of Pendragon's homemade raspberry mead. It has a kick like a mule,and even if it doesn't kill the pain, you are a lot happier in your suffering.
That done with, I set off back home,back across the Big Water, to collect some provisions from the Supermercantile in Dingley Dell. Bags of fruit and fresh vegetables were piled high into my trolley,plus a few secret treats to enjoy while I am writing to all my friends. Plum jelly jubejubes, sweet and sour crab apples, minty pearballs, and a selection of liquorice toffees. Not on Ally Bally's list of approved sweetmeats,but guaranteed to clear the brain when writer's block descends and threatens the life of my agony column.
Talking of which,Portamus Cumberpatch came to meet me on Tuesday when I delivered my page.He also seemed to be full of summer bonhomie as I popped my head round the door,and called out for me to join him in his inner sanctum for a spot of peppermint and eucalyptus tisane. I was running late,but it is one of my favourites,so I nodded acquiescently, and joined him for a cuppa. As his wrought iron kettle bubbled on the hob, he signalled to me to look at the sheet of paper on his desk. It was a letter in a rather fine hand,addressed to the editor, singing the praises of the Daily Scandal's newest columnist, Amarantha. I had the decency to blush and assume my coyest demeanour as Portamus scanned my features for any reaction. Inside,I was jumping up and down with fevered excitement,and longing to yell "yipee" out loud. But I did resist this rather infantile show of self praise in favour of a blast of measured self deprecation.

"That's very pleasing " I said,sweetly. "I have been trying very hard."
"Yes,indeed,said Portamus. "You seem to be very popular.More letters are arriving for you every day. I must say, I didn't know that Dingley Dell had so many problems. I have been thinking.......

My heart sank.This was always a dangerous admission from the likes of Cumberpatch,as it could only pre-empt the announcement of something that he wanted and I didn't. To be sure, his next words were......
"I feel we might allow you an extra letter to answer,Amarantha, and maybe each reply could be 150 words. Starting next week........how about it ?"

I was feeling less than enthusiastic,to be totally honest. The magic words, "more geld" had not been mentioned, and I had never been in this position before- having to find the necessary negotiating vocabulary to win a higher salary.
He seemed to read my mind,did good old Cumberpatch,though. My uncomfortable pause after his main congratulations must have conveyed to him that Amarantha,his prize agony elf,might not be going to instantly agree without some kind of incentive.
"Of course,I will make it worth your extra work, Amarantha. How about it if I double the pay for an extra letter ? I can't do more,I"m afraid,you see the economy.......too many wages.......too few dividends, .........a lot more overheads.......
I stopped him short with my zealous "YES! YES ! YES ! ONE MORE LETTER, AND DOUBLE THE GELD !"
We both laughed, and full of renewed joie de vivre, I leaned over and placed a timely peck on to old Cumbie's fevered brow.
"OH,dear, oh my," was all he said.
By this time, I was dancing through the inner sanctum door,past the gaping junior reporters, - waving to Portamus's frowning secretary ,the sanctimonious harridan who guards my every move, and kicked up my heels as I closed the outer door. Yes,it is true. As an agony elf, I think I have just arrived.

Much love to you all my good friends, on this wickedly wonderful Wednesday. May all your stars be on the ascendant,and may all drillings in your life be only for Oil. From a very happy Amarantha,the sylph of the problem page,your very own Rainbow Faery.